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Six Lessons from Six Years of Marriage

husband holding his new wife's hand

Six years ago today, I walked down the aisle wearing something old-new-borrowed-and-blue and walked up the aisle with holding my husband’s hand. We married young, and when we’re in a room full of nearly weds, at twenty-seven and thirty years old, we are the old married couple.

This morning at breakfast after giggling each other awake, Johnny and I filtered through the past six years (and nine total together): celebrating the highs, acknowledging the lows, thinking about the things we learned along the way, and plotting where we will go in the future.

Six lessons we learned and prioritized over the last six years…

Newly-weds

1) Grow together. When Johnny and I wed at 21 and 24, we vowed to keep growing together. We knew we were entering a decade that would define who we are as adults and the only way through our twenties would be to grow our way through them. And the promise we made was to make sure we grew through it together.

You are a different person today than you will be tomorrow. And the only way you’ll survive being together forever is growing together.  (more…)

Today is Sunday

Good Breakfast... Flickr krug6Sundays are days of rest. Days when we sleep in, giggle each other awake, and crawl to get pancakes and do things regular people do, like go grocery shopping, do laundry, and clean.

As we waved to our neighbor this afternoon while carrying 80 pounds of cat litter into the house, he asked if the race season was over. The race season is something that devours the majority of our weekends and “spare” time. My husband shouted, “Yep, now we have more time to take care of the house!” Our neighbor laughed. God, I’m sure he hates the fact that our yard looks like Jurassic Park. And when he walks his dog, he cautiously looks over our fence, scouting for Velociraptors.

Today we were domestic, and it felt good. We even hosted a group of friends and played board games over lasagna and wine. These are friends who have known my husband for our entire life together, and they all have or are having babies.

Lately, when someone I know learns that I have a husband, it surprises them. I’m not sure why as I have some very sparkly diamonds that I wear on a very specific finger and don’t hide. After their shock wanes, their next question is, “Do you have—” or “When are you having kids?” It’s as though by telling them that I am legally attached to a man means that the next logical step is to take over the world, one teeny-tiny baby at a time. Otherwise what’s the point of getting married in the first place, right?

This opens a can of worms and sparks internal dialogue. What I really want to ask them, but never do, is “Why do you want to know?”

There are a few reasons why they’ve jumped to ask me this question:

  1. They are curious about my life and genuinely care about me
  2. They only believe people are married to have kids
  3. They think married people who don’t have kids are weird and hate kids
  4. They think married people are weird, period.

Thinking more about the situation, this question is generally asked when I’m in the “getting to know you phase” with someone. Therefore, people who fall into the #1 category will generally not ask this question because they care and they know that the question of to procreate or not procreate (not practice, mind you) is a personal question, because it is.

The reason why a person asks this question tells more about the place that person is in their life and what their own views are, than it does about me.

Photo Credit: Krug6