I have a thought that’s been on the tip of my tongue and in the back of my mind for years. It’s been there, this passion, this desire. But as years move on, priorities shift, and concentrations change, things upon things have been piled on top of it and this idea gets buried deeper and deeper. Now it’s crawling to the surface, cascading through my thoughts like a snowstorm, gaining speed like a typhoon, and consuming me like an avalanche. It wants out.
The evolution of an idea
This idea has an identity all of her own. She’s defining herself based on her actions and celebrating her silent victories. Her voice is gaining momentum and she wants the spotlight that she deserves.
She smells so fresh in the secret little box I keep her in, and I’m nervous to let her out. I’m afraid to let her voice ring from the rooftops, roar louder than thunder, and serenade mightier than my favorite rock band ever could, because that’s exactly what she’ll do. I am anxious about the person she’ll turn me in to.
I am so close to breathing about her and so uneasy about the force voicing her into existence will mean. It’s one thing to think it and another to speak it. I mentioned it to my sister today, just barely. She said she’s never understood why I haven’t embraced it. I have yet to voice it to John, though I know it won’t surprise him either.
This is something I’ve always wanted, always identified with. It’s so obvious and yet something I’ve kept so far away. It’s holding me back. The only person I’m fooling is me.
Photo Credit: Beatriz AG