on life, ambitions, and dreams

How to Annoy Your Fellow Passengers on an Airplane


  1. Cough. A lot.
  2. Sneeze. Do not cover your mouth.
  3. Wear perfume, lots of it, all over your body.
  4. Don’t notice when your laptop bag smacks into the faces of everyone you pass when walking down the aisle to find your seat.
  5. Load your roller board suitcase lengthwise in the overhead compartment.
  6. Load your suitcase into the first overhead compartment you can find when you’re sitting in the back of the plane.
  7. Accidentally let your suitcase fall from the overhead compartment.
  8. Store your carry-on bags under your neighbor’s seat. Do not move them.
  9. When assigned the middle seat, take the aisle seat and refuse to move. It’s a good idea to make up an excuse about altitude sickness or something. They won’t argue.
  10. Sit in the window seat and get up to use the lavatory every hour.
  11. Say, “Hi,” to your neighbor and tell them why you’re traveling; don’t stop.
  12. Yell, loudly, when you talk to the flight attendant.
  13. Fall asleep and snuggle with your neighbor, a complete stranger.
  14. Call the flight attendant a stewardess.
  15. Don’t wipe the sink in the lavatory clean as a courtesy to your fellow passenger.

What are your additions to the list?


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